Ebb and Flow

I tell you that I am strong. I think that it is true, but it still takes work. You have to build strength.

I long for congruence. I want to speak and do what I feel, think and believe. It’s not easy; but I really am trying hard. Am I trying my best, though? Maybe I could do more.

Maybe then I would not have cried as I drove away from the airport. Maybe then I would not have gone and bought beauty products and chocolate. Maybe then I would not have eaten those rich leftover pastries. Maybe then I would not have wasted time online instead of writing that damned essay.

But maybe that was all deliberate. I knew then as I know now that nothing but a sweet reunion can take this feeling away. I understand why they say that pain is so close to pleasure. If doing my best means losing this the painful side of this feeling, than I don’t want to do my best.

Je m’ennuie de toi, mon amour.

Cue “One Year of Love” by Queen.

2 Responses:

  1. Coop Says:

    When I left Graham in China I cried for an hour, went to the hostel lounge and watched crappy movies for the rest of the day, and ate lots of hostel food instead of experiencing more culture like I should have. Sigh. It SUCKS!

  2. reesie Says:

    i think you are strong. strong is always a relative term. letting yourself feel pain and wallow a bit is strong. i know this feeling well… don’t regret anything.

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