Baby Steps

I’m so confused. I’ve spent all this time agonizing over 10,000 words on something important. Something I supposedly believe in. It’s over, but I’m not satisfied.

I signed on for 7 years (and maybe more) of continuous post-secondary education so that I could do something meaningful with my life. No doubt, I’ve found meaning in the work. People do have to write about these things.

But when push comes to shove, I get so distracted. The passion burns. I do believe in the good fight; but there are so many other things on my mind and in my heart.

I think that in the end, I’m tired of all this writing. I want to go out there and DO. I joke about how I’m not going to get a break after my scary, scary 100% final exams because work begins immediately afterwords, but you know what? I’m really looking forward to jumping in headfirst. I may choke a little in the beginning, but I think I’m ready.

Maybe all this obsession with beauty–in images, baubles, food–is preparation for all the darkness I’ll have to face this summer. All these little distractions are reminders of the light. When you’re fighting the dark—even if you’re not deep in it and only a guide, you have to remember the light. Without the light, there’s no point in burrowing through that tunnel.

One step at a time.

5 Responses:

  1. gino Says:

    Seriously. Just do it. Then you can figure out if you don’t want to do it for the rest of your days. 😛 It’s a stupid way to figure out where you want to go with your life. I don’t have any solutions, no one gave me any aside from doctor, lawyer, or engineer. Oh, there was architect also. I chose. . . something creative.

  2. mintchoco Says:

    Good luck on exams!

    I don’t want to be a lawyer! 🙁

  3. erika Says:

    I went through the same thing in grad school – I was sick of reading writers writing about life. I was sick of writing about the life I was living reading writers writing about life. I was so glad to be out – and experiencing life. Academia definitely takes its toll.

    Good luck!

  4. reesie Says:

    u know… the working world is FAR different from academia, but i’m sure you already knew that. i didn’t take any time off between school and working, and i don’t regret it at all. work is much easier for me with no homework and not having to worry too much about tests. i guess, the tests are more crucial in working life, but i feel like it’s a different learning curve.

    and whatever you do, don’t get too embroiled in the whole school exams thing! take some time for yourself to relax and then hit the books again.

  5. gnome G Says:

    I agree with what Reesie says. Though, baby steps kind of work for a while too…happy FINISHING UP vibes go out to you!

    ps, I’m tagging you for the Five meme. Hope you can play!